You’ve probably heard people say, “Just be more empathetic.” But what does that actually mean—especially in the middle of a conversation?
Empathy isn’t just about agreeing with someone. It’s about understanding them. It’s about being able to sit with someone’s experience—even if it’s different from yours—and showing them you care.
And here’s the thing: empathy isn’t a personality trait you either have or don’t. It’s something you can grow, one interaction at a time.
Let’s break it down.
1. Listen Without Jumping In
Most of us are quick to respond. We want to help, share our own experience, or just fill the silence.
But empathy starts with listening—not fixing.
What helps:
- Let them speak without interrupting.
- Don’t jump in with your story right away.
- Give space for their emotions, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.
2. Try to See the Situation Through Their Eyes
It’s easy to stay in our own heads. But empathy asks us to step outside ourselves and ask:
- “How might this feel for them?”
- “What could be going on beneath the surface?”
You don’t have to agree with everything—they just need to feel understood.
What helps: Repeat back what you hear, gently:
- “That sounds really frustrating.”
- “It makes sense that you’d feel that way.”
You’re not solving anything. You’re letting them feel seen.
3. Drop the Need to Be Right
Sometimes we lose empathy because we’re too focused on proving a point or defending ourselves. But empathy and ego don’t work well together.
What helps: Ask yourself, “Do I want to connect—or just win this moment?”
Connection always feels better.
What You Can Try Today:
- In your next conversation, focus just on listening—not fixing.
- Before reacting, ask yourself: “What might they be feeling right now?”
- If you don’t understand someone, ask gently: “Can you help me understand that better?”
